Practical tips for Coping with abusive family members

Practical tips to include in your daily routine that can protect yourself from abusive, manipulative or narcissistic family members:

1. Practise daily empowering positive affirmations to counteract all the gaslighting and abuse that you may have endured with the narcissistic family member. Rebuild your broken self confidence and remember you are worthy and enough just the way you are. You need not prove yourself or do something in order to be loved.

2. Document evidence of the abuse through creating a secure folder of abusive text messages screenshots , videos , audio clippings. Share the evidence with a trusted family member or friend for safe keeping in case the abusive family member discovers it and deletes the information. Writing a timeline of events and documenting this will help if you are considering seeking legal action against the abusive family member in future. Documenting also gives you a lot of clarity in your thought process.

3. Develop a strong support network of friends, family members , mentors or mental health professionals who will provide unconditional support, guidance and validation.Having a solid support system will give you the strength and encouragement to navigate the challenges posed by narcissistic family members.

4. Practise your boundaries by repeating your assertive statements in front of a mirror or with a friend. The more you say it- the more confident you get to be assertive and push back with the narcissistic family members. Use “I” statements that assert your needs without sounding too commanding or confrontational.

5. Practise grey rocking or emotional detachment from the toxic family member. Remember that their actions or words don’t really define your worth and it speaks more about their own internal struggles and inability to deal with them than it is about you. Do not try to justify yourself or seek their validation as they only seek to mis-understand or find more faults with you. Instead focus on yourself and your personal growth.

6. Embrace forgiveness and tell yourself you are willing to forgive your abusers (if you are not yet ready to forgive them) and remember there is no rush to forgive your abuser. You do it for your mental peace and not to allow the abuser access to your life again. Holding onto your boundaries and refusing to be guilt-tripped into abandoning them is crucial for your healing process.

7. Engage in self care rituals like going for a walk, gardening, listening to soothing music, getting massages, going on a coffee date with yourself or a close friend , dancing, meditating , practising mindfulness, singing, pampering your inner child ,making time for your hobbies or anything else that gives you solace and a sense of rejuvenation.

8. Find your sense of purpose and rediscover your joy. Join classes that give you an opportunity to interact with a different set of people who will divert your overthinking mind away from the topic of the abuse and provide fresh perspectives. Keep yourself mentally and physically active as much as possible and get out under the sun for sometime every single day. The sun’s rays help you to heal .

9. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion and know that you deserve love, respect and happiness. Forgive yourself for not recognizing the signs earlier or not standing up for yourself earlier. You did your best with what knowledge and awareness you had. Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse so that you are aware and going forward you can easily spot any red flags that come your way.

10.If you are a survivor of emotional, psychological or verbal abuse do not let anyone gaslight you into believing that it is ok. Abuse is abuse in any form and it is never ok to accept it. Do not allow anyone else to continue to torment you mentally, demean or continually criticize everything about you. You deserve better and your body and mind needs deep healing.

As a narcissistic abuse recovery life coach, I have seen many of my clients who have struggled through immense emotional pain for years and sometimes even decades before approaching me and realizing that only through talk therapy it is not possible to completely heal from abuse. Somatic healing is required and the trauma that is stored in their bodies have to be worked on and released to heal.

If you are suffering or know anyone who is suffering because of narcissistic abuse, please encourage them to seek help from trauma informed therapists or narcissistic abuse recovery life coaches who can provide you specialized support tailored to your unique circumstances.

Each person’s situation is unique and it is important to do what feels right for you. Listen to your gut and follow your intuition. Your higher self knows what is best for you always.

Breaking free from the grasp of narcissistic family members is a courageous journey that requires inner strength, support and self-care. By implementing these practical strategies into your daily routine, you can protect yourself, foster personal growth and embark on a path to healing.

Your well-being is a priority and with the right support and resources, you can emerge stronger and reclaim your life!

Ramya Shripathi

Founder, Activate.you Life Coaching

ICF Certified Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Coach

Bangalore, India